I never wanting a house full of noisy children or a wife in curlers, but, I did want a loving relationship. How is it that being alone and wanting for something that will likely never happen – aside from being with someone in a way that is against God’s Will – is blessed?

I maintain that what St. Paul said is true – better to be married, than to be filled with passion, since being filled with unanswered passion makes the person less – in my mind, St. Paul’s verse says it all, since, being “blessed single”, but, being tempted with sin constantly as a single person, is not being blessed at all, but, is only a stumbling block to the persons life – better, if the person cannot handle single life, that they are instead in a loving marriage, and can then discard the unrequited feelings of the “blessed single” life for a married life that is emotionally more balanced.

Frank

Your letters and comments regarding the state of being single are thought-provoking and affirming. I recently wrote an artilce titled, “Singled Out”, for a local Christian publication. In the process of writing I was confronted with many, if not all of the issues that have been placed on the table in what I just read.

I consider deliberations regarding singleness a healthy exercise for marrieds as well as unmarrieds in the church. Obtaining the grace to discern God’s leading regarding the state He is calling us to; then to live therein appreciatively in honor of Him is no small task for anyone.

Thanks to each of you for sharing your convictions and views.

Susan

It’s a shame Boundless.org [a Focus on the Family website] doesn’t ascribe to what you’ve said; they promote Maken’s view in an otherwise solidly biblical website.

Thank you so much for airing what I [and I assume many others] have been thinking.

Thanks for sending me your book. I really appreciate it. It looks like an excellent and thorough treatment of a broad range of topics. I’ve read parts of the preface, the endorsements, and chapter 9 so far. . .

Blessings,
Alex

As a never-married forty-something man, I am deeply troubled by Mrs. Maken’s arguments. Such arguments will only lead to the further marginalization of singles in the evangelical church, perhaps even driving some singles out of the church altogether.

I am also deeply troubled by some of Mrs. Maken’s supporters who are using her arguments to judge and condemn older singles as sinners solely on the basis of their marital status. There is no biblical basis for such judgment and condemnation.

You said:

Under no other circumstances is singleness condoned in the Bible, in fact it is in direct contrast to God’s mandate to go forth and multiply. As such, could protracted singleness not even be regarded as sinful?

Deanna, do you believe that infertile couples are sinning because they are unable to be fruitful and multiply? Of course you don’t. I am sure that you would never think, let alone say, such a crass, insensitive and unbiblical thing.

Why, then, is it suddenly open season on Christian singles whose ’sin’ apparently, is never to have got married?????? A sin which is never mentioned in the Bible for the very good reason that it does not exist. When singleness is mentioned in scripture, it is not condemned. Of course the Bible doesn’t address singleness as we know it in the 21st century. It doesn’t address the question of woman’s suffrage either. Does that mean Christians are wrong to believe in it?! That would be pretty absurd (not to mention worrying.)

Do I believe in the timeless principles of biblical teaching? Of course I do. That’s why I am sexually abstinent.

Do I believe the church is right to uphold marriage as the norm and to challenge some current attitudes towards singleness? Yes, I do. Of course I do. Christians are meant to be counter-cultural.

But let me assure you, the last thing today’s Christian singles need is condemnation. We don’t want pity. We also don’t want to be regarded as objects of suspicion. That is the last thing I would have expected from the church community.

I am a ‘protracted single’. I’m 44, never been married, would like to be married (because nobody is ever too old to fall in love), but I don’t mope around, I get on with life and serving God, etc. etc. etc.

I am curious about two things, Deanna:

- What counsel would you give to a single Christian who is struggling with a lesbian or homosexual orientation?

- What counsel would you give a single-again Christian – i.e. they are divorced and would like to marry again – who is struggling with their sexual desires? Do you believe that Christians have the freedom in Christ to marry again after divorce? Do you believe that God has blessed them to be fruitful and multiply in their second marriages?

In all this current brouhaha, the silence over these two issues is deafening.

Dr Kostenberger, thank you very much for your post.